Pastors and their feelings

            

             Anger, fear, anxiety and sadness are all human emotions. There tends to be an unspoken rule, however, that pastors should never express any of these feelings. These kinds of negative feelings are viewed as a sign of weakness or incompetence in a pastor.

            Where does this belief come from? Often times, it can be traced back to the way the pastor was raised. Perhaps, he or she was brought up in a home where their parents discouraged certain feelings. They grew up having to suppress their anger or fear. This dynamic can sometimes be found in seminary, too. There, the future pastors encounter a message that tells them how a pastor should or should not feel. The pastor is then left feeling guilty about harboring certain feelings or in denial that she or he has any “bad” feelings at all.

            Avoiding or denying his or her feelings has a tremendous impact on the pastor and everyone around him or her. “The pastor who denies or does not integrate into ministry his or her own feelings of hurt, or who is perceived as woundless, will also be perceived as “someone who has never been there,” says Gary L. Harbaugh, in his book Pastor as Person. He warns that pastors are in danger of losing touch with what it means to be a person when they refuse to acknowledge their feelings. 

           God created us to be holistic: physical, social, emotional and mental. Denying any of these aspects of our personhood restricts pastors from fully living and experiencing God’s healing power. It also limits the pastor’s ability to minister effectively to others. However, when pastors address their own feelings instead of hiding them, they are better able to handle a crisis, love themselves and connect and empathize with others.

By Alicia Grey, seminary student