She Wields A Sword
Journal
A Year in Retrospect
So, go ahead—let everyone know it!
Tell the world how he broke through
and delivered you from the power of darkness and has gathered us together from all over the world. He has set us free to be his very own!
Psalm 107:2-3 (TPT)
This year started with a bang, a bang to the head that is. I found myself having to reckon with my assumptions and what I discovered was that one cannot assume they completely understand or comprehend prophetic words or even impressions we feel we’ve received from the Lord. So when circumstances did not materialize the way I envisioned, I was disillusioned. Thus, what then shaped my year to follow was discouragement, disheartenment, and dismay. To sum it up, this year, I was depressed!
Now on hold on, don’t go yet, I write about these Four Deadly ‘D’s in a journal devoted to “wielding a sword” and empowerment, not to focus on the negative but to expose in a very vulnerable way what can go wrong when you want everything to go right, and how by the Grace of God, we once again may have a renewed vision of hope, get reestablished confidence, and obtain restored freedom.
Our humanity cries out for deliverance and statistics reveal that more and more people in our culture are experiencing the effects of some form of trauma or mental illness. Former Director of the National Institute of Mental Health Thomas Insel wrote about the commonality of mood disorders. “Our best estimate of the number of adults with any diagnosable mental disorder within the past year is nearly 1 in 5, or roughly 43 million Americans. Therefore, what happened to me was not uncommon. Still, as a Believer I would like to think that I had enough faith or “Word in me” to side step it.
However, what I did not see coming was the shocking revelation of my own naivety that I could be all things, at all times, to everyone. And what added insult to injury, I mistakenly called this, ‘ministry’. It is not the loss of a belief system that crushes but the doused illusion of being on point that hit below the belt.
Therefore, compounded by my own failings to set appropriate boundaries, I blamed people in authority, the Church and even the Lord, and that nearly stripped me of all of my faith. I did not know it at the time, but looking back, the real issue was my inability to rest and rest in the Lord.
Rest is the element that sustains when the going gets tough. It is the life of the Spirit within that compels us to move forward, to go up, to go on and to not give up. King David wrote,
“My soul finds rest in God alone. He alone is my rock and salvation. My hope comes from God alone. And He alone is my rock” (Psalm 62:1-2 NIV).
The Hebrew word rest conveys the idea of silence, of being quiet, of being still. It’s related to the idea of Psalm 46 “Be still and know that I am God.” It’s related to the words of Jesus: “Peace, be still.” Thus, this is what I needed - rest.
In retrospect, why was I so surprised at the painful trials I was experiencing, as if something strange was happening to me? It wasn’t strange at all but the hand of God faithfully working all things out for my good and bringing me back, full circle. Christ was giving me and still is, beauty for ashes. He’s restored my Spirit-filled hope, renewed my God-inspired confidence, and reignited my Christ-bought and won freedom. Hallelujah!
Merry Christmas Beloved, and have a very happy, restful and hope-filled New Year!
Elizabeth-Marie ‘Allison’ on December 24, 2018
She Wields A Sword
Sierra Madre, CA, 91024
