Acceptance, A Spiritual Principle

 I am not blaming anyone or anything for my condition but accept my fallen and sinful state as an addict. Although there are troubles and challenges as the day is long, I have come to believe that Christ wants to heal me and restore me sanity. 

There was a time though that I needed to play 'the blame game,' in order to soften the blow to my own conscience. But, by denying my own treachery I hindered my own recovery by not accepting the truth of my relapsed condition and worse, the hypocrisy of my testimony. Unbeknownst to me, acceptance was the exact spiritual principle I needed.  I had to admit to myself that something was seriously wrong in my life. That I had created a mess of my life and that my using spilled over to the lives of my loved ones. I admitted this and quit trying to play games with myself anymore and that my life had become unmanageable in many ways. It was not under my control anymore. I did things that I later regretted doing and told myself that I would not do it again. But I did. I kept on doing them, in spite of my regrets, my denials, my vows, my cover-ups and my facades.  I was a Christian Crackhead, living a double life as my addiction had become bigger than me. 

As such, the first step was to admit the truth of where I was, that I was really powerless over drugs, my feelings, and that I needed help. 

In order to move forward I had to accept, then as I do today, not to place fault or accuse someone or some group or situation. My daily prayer is, "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive others."  

I Am On The Receiving End

Its been a long, hard road. At this point in my salvation and in my recovery, I am coming to accept that there is nothing good in me except the goodness of God, and what I receive, one day at a time from Him. After all, I have been indoctrinated with the humanist belief that I must pull myself up by my own bootstraps, put my best foot forward, "make it a great day," and tell myself, "I got this." All of the well-meaning mantras and good-intentions from psychologists have not understood this one thing, at least for me, is that when I accepted Christ as Lord, I emptied myself out and asked for His life and His power, and trusted that, "It is no longer I that live but Christ in me," Galatians 2:20) The old self, which is unbelieving, rebellious, and loving sin, died with Christ, supernaturally, but it us not until now that I am beginning to understand although I search for strength, ability, talent, and even greatness in my self, that mission is fruitless. It is in God alone in whom I live and move and have my being Acts 17:28.

I am an empty vessel, and I need to go and be filled (2 Kings 4:3-5), I cannot replenish myself. My salvation is not designed to be autonomous or self-reliant, I need Christ and His body to thrive. With this On this day, at the point of my journey, I am truly humbled and encouraged. All the striving and efforts but seemingly gaining little ground, as the sowing I have done in the flesh has reaped all that it ever could, frustration, because my hope and my life is not what I make of it, but it is what I have received.